I'll thank you to keep your eyes off the many bulges in my pants.

The next moment is going to be one of the most important in my life.

And if I don't not not don't testify, then I might get so confused that my head'll pop off and fly around the room making rude noises until all the air was out of it.

Look, Peterson, we're gonna blow the lid off the corrupt food inspecting industry in this town.

Some careless pizza tossing bastard didn't realize that his sock must have flown off and landed right in the middle of our pizza pie.

I'm getting a bottle of whiskey and I'm gonna curl up in my hamper for a couple of months.

I have seen things in here that make my eyes want to pop out of their sockets, run down my face, and hide in my back pants pockets.

It's my duty as an American citizen and as a representative of albinos everywhere.

Oh, Ma, let's just say it's just one of the little perks that go along with my food inspecting job.

I mean, when you think about it, the pungent sting of the early morning air as I slice through it on my appointed routes.

I'm sorry, I seem to have some of my old high school notes mixed up here.

Before we begin, I'll have to be granted total immunity from all my past evil deeds and have your absolute guarantee that I can live in luxury and protection for the rest of my life or 30,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Well, I'm your humble student with the thirstiest mind this side of the Pecos.

Chris, don't you realize this is the work of food inspectors?

I'm sorry, but I just do not understand the ways of your world.

The cold stares of dogs and other animals that think they're better than me.

Boy, do you know that this is more exciting than the time I looked in the mirror and realized my rear had stopped growing?

Like, uh, Mr. X, or Mr. Deep Throat, or Mr. Three Days of the Condor.

In accordance with the rules of Major League Baseball, I demand that that man show his hands.

And sir, I don't have any back pants pockets, which means my eyes would fall on the floor, and that would be a nightmare, because the floor is filthy!