Come on, Bertha.

Granny?

Have you still got it in your craw that General Grant is alive?

Alive, and planning to attack the Culpepper Plantation this morning at dawn.

I heard him say so.

You heard General Grant?

I heard him and seen him, right down at Army Reserve headquarters where Jethro went.

He was smoking a big stogie and stewed to the gill.

What do you think of that?

General Grant would have to be close to 150 years old.

And he ain't got a gray hair in his head.

Smoking, drinking man, living to be 150?

How could that be?

The only way I can explain it is that he was smoking Virginia tobaccy and drinking Tennessee whiskey.

Where are you going?

I'm going back to bed.

You mean you ain't going to fight with your family?

I've been fighting with you for two days.

I mean shoulder to shoulder against Grant and his bushwhacking furders.

Now, Granny, supposing that all this nonsense you've been talking is true, why would the North want to commence a fracas in Los Angeles?