- How long is Das Boot, exactly? - Four and half solid entertainment hours.

"Twat a geezer"?

You're a promise-breaker and a tom-tailed tit.

Why would I have a problem? I'm just a mate round seeing a couple of mates.

You're a bloke, I'm a bloke. We're both bloody good blokes,

So, what now? A round of sambucas and hit a club,

- Oh, are they in a submarine? - Yes, they're in a submarine.

'But there's always a chance someone else might have a better one.

'What a surprise - you haven't got any because you're a gristle-head.

This is a special mission.

'That's not a saucy metaphor.'

Jeff, we're watching a film.

like a bloody horrible pancake.

Because I've got a cough.

Although, if it was a choice between that or a drive in a Ferrari Testarossa - phew, too close to call.

A mate just called. He has a poker school. If you're interested in losing a bit of money, we could go.

'I'm strapped on. If I get a bonk on, I'll say it's a buckle.

There must be a better way to get to Sophie. What about a poem?

Brilliant. Get a cup, we'll catch the blood, and I'll write her a poem.

Got a mission for you. Need a few rubber johnnies and I'm not dressed.