It's a story that might bore you, but you don't have to listen 'cause I knew it'd be like that.

[ROCK MUSIC]

And it was in that last year, or actually weekend,

really a Friday in December at Camden, years ago when I was a different person,

I was so drunk that I ended up losing my virginity.

I lost it to a guy I thought was a ceramics major,

but who was either an NYU film student there for The End Of The World, or a townie.

I actually had my eye on someone else that night. Victor.

[VICTOR] With European girls, it's just a numbers game.

If you stand in any European city

and you ask every girl that walks by if she'll fuck you, one in 20 will say yes.

A drama major just back from Europe.

Only a little gay, with flecked blond hair, a great body, and amazing grey eyes.

Bam, 20th one and you're fucking! It's a confirmed statistic, man!

But Victor was fucking my room-mate Lara. She gave him mono before he dumped her.

I'm told that, after I left Camden,

she got really drunk and went wandering through Windham House

and did the whole football team.

[ROCK MUSIC]

She's now married to a senator and has four kids. How time distorts things.