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A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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the way no story has a happy ending.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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about one third of the way through a dreadful and upsetting story.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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Try jumping, or reciting a Jack London story.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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If you're interested in stories with a happy ending,

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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- How was your day? - I heard nothing but pointless stories.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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If you've been following the story as closely as some people have,

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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you will understand why this story can have no happy ending,

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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Even for a shack.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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[sighs] Not for long.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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I'm hungry for revenge.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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I don't mean for the fruit. I mean for making us feel at home.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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- What? - What friends are for.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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It's the Baudelaires. They're late for their appointment.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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Molehills are mounds of earth serving as condominiums for small mammals.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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We may have use for it.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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so I did it for you.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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For years you've infiltrated my schemes,

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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and for complicated reasons, a lumber mill.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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That's okay. That's what I'm here for.

A Series of Unfortunate Events (2017) - S02E01 The Austere Academy: Part One

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- En garde! - That's French for "We gotcha!"